Should i meet my father after almost 10 years of no contact?


When my mom and dad divorced my dad had a new wife in 6 months and a child in a year, he broke promises he couldn’t keep and i was not number one in his life. For a child of eight years old its already hard to understand that you’re mom and dad are splitting up. He introduced me to his girlfriend after 1 month of the divorce like that and expected me to take the fact all in, parents divorced, grandmother died and a new girlfriend. My dad did HORRIBLE things to me and my mother and if i write it i think ill cry again. For example: When the child was born he did not put my name on the birth card like i did not even exist. So i said on the age of 8 and a half i didn’t want contact anymore because of all the horrible things and promises that were broken. Soft to say: HE DID NOT CARE! His wife always saw me as an extra bill to pay. My dad paid Childcare 475$ a month. Now after 10 years he searched me on facebook and send me a message how he wanted to see me. I already saw him twice because suddenly he was in town and he did not recognize me once. I was really upset about it, after so many years it really still hurts although i don’t show it. I do not want people to feel sorry for me,i do not need it. I said i did not want contact but my mum talked to me about saying that everybody deserves a second chance. Kudos for her because he did horrible things to her to and she still wants me to see him and talk to him about it. Since he is still my dad. I love the woman to death. I talked to my dad on the phone one time and my little half sister, Jade to. (that’s her name :3) She a cute kid and she is really outside of the problem. Its not her fault and i don’t blame her for anything. But my problem is: My mom also talked to him and he said he divorced his wife lived in the house till it was sold and she lived in a town called Portland. But i think there still together. Because he abused her and she called the police and when he has to go to court she is coming with him to talk the judge out of the jail but give him community service order Now here comes it guys: He searches contact with my after ten years, and when he is life is going extremely bad. He said they married on marry on equal terms. (He and his new wife) But that means (i mean i’m not stupid) he gets half of the furniture and everything else in the house. But he said she toke everything! He has no job because he got fired and he still has to pay 1500$ child support but my mom left it 500$ because she found it ridiculous to let him pay so much if he doesn’t have a job. Also my mother said to him that she rather see him give me every month 150 dollars if we are in good contact then paying so much every month because he has no job. He gets money every month of something of the state i don’t know how you call it in English. But the problem is i think he doesn’t want contact but it is a conspiracy to stop the child support. I am really sad, because i honestly think its true and my mom also thinks it. Guys i am so afraid to be hurt again and left in broken state. It took my almost 3 years to recover from the divorce and get my life on track it is going so great now. My studies are going great i can do my study in 18 months instead of 24 and the next one to if i give it my best. What do you think i should do i’m so confused.I want to forgive him because like my mom said: ‘Everybody deserves a second chance.’ But what if the person who you want to give a second chance, doesn’t want one at all and is only out for money?

I know how hard it is to open yourself to get hurt again possibly. Though my situation is different, I am going to try to answer you from my perspective.
Several years ago, I tried to find my father. At the beginning of my search, I found an uncle and several half siblings. None of them had many nice things to say about my dad but I wanted to try anyway.
I kept up my search until I got a final answer. My father had died 2 years to the day, prior to me finding him. It is kind of weird but, I was heartbroken. I didn’t get the chance to find out what he was like as a person. I didn’t get the chance to find out if he had changed over the years. I didn’t get to ask the questions I had for him. I was willing to take the risk that he was not what I imagined.

My advice is this.
If you decide to see your father, set boundaries. Make sure he knows that you and your mom aren’t going to let him get out of paying whatever support he is supposed to pay I agree, everyone does deserve a second chance….. Keep your guard up when with him. and make him earn your trust. If he is sincere, he will understand your need for him to do so.
Good Luck to you.

I would tell him you will keep in contact via email but you are not ready to meet nor wiling to meet at this time or any time in the near future, He has given you plenty of reasons to doubt his sincerity and you will need a LONG time to decide if he is sincere now If you can every come to trust him again.,

Then see what happens write simply news filled letters nothing personal – the types of things he could read about in the paper – the old oak street elementary school burned down this week, I scored a goal in field hockey type of things and see if he maintains any contact.

The reason I do not write him completely off is that sometimes people must hot rock bottom in their lives and it sometimes makes them see where they have been wrong with others but as you said there seems lots of other possible motivations for his renewed interest – so use extreme caution

PS if you re-write this with paragraphs and re-post it I think you will get better responses – it was way too much to wade through for most people

For the bills, it seems that your mom could handle it, she even lowers it, so I don’t think that’s the problem anymore, your mom knows where she stands.

Moms are wonderful and kind hearts. She is doing the best for you, she even promise to compromise another $150 for your dad. What she really want out of it? She hopes you and him talking! Your mom’s right, he’s still your dad (tho he left you behind when you were young) moreover, he’s not a stranger geoneologically, so your family has special offer than anyone else.

Talk to him, so your mom and everyone else is happy.

You even have to care for your parents when they’re getting old…

People make mistakes !!! Are you willing to forgive and forget? You are already thinking about giving him a second chance, which means you a forgiving and a better person. If u decide to give him a second chance, you will feel good inside.
Good luck

I read just the first couple of lines….

I have one thing to say, doesn’t matter what he has done you gotta meet him. He is your dad and I don’t mean that you should love him above anything else or that you should now be bests friends out of nowhere. But I believe that you definitely should meet him. Who knows when you suddenly might not have a dad anymore to get back in contact anymore.

You only have one dad, and your mom is right. Anger and hate eats you up slowly, and you can’t suppress something big like this forever. Everybody has their stories, and although he is an *** better to know his side.

This seems like a pretty heavy question for Yahoo Answers.

If you have any hesitation about meeting up with him I’d say don’t based on his past behavior. His motives do sound suspect given the situation. If he presses just tell him you’re not ready right now and that you’ll think about it.

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