How much do guys care about how a girl looks?

every time i am around my crush i worry if he thinks im pretty or not. this makes me nervous and i feel its a big turn off. are guys really obsessed with looks and do i have reason to worry abut being ugly or am i just being stupid?

Hi Zebralvr,

You sound like a nice young lady. May I assume that you’re about 14?

You aren’t being stupid, but why would you think you’re ugly? You’re probably really cute. Besides, the way a person looks really doesn’t matter to most people… after about 5 minutes… except to the players and creeps. Seriously.

Consider Paris Hilton. At first glance, she’s gorgeous. But knowing the type of person that she really is (sl*tty, spoiled… ) makes her quite unattractive in the eyes of most decent guys.

Personality is ultimately much more important than looks. Whatever lucky guy becomes your steady BF… don’t worry, you’ll be a perfect “10” to him.

Let’s call your crush “Romeo”, OK?

Zebralvr, the best way to find a decent guy is to be a decent young lady yourself, and expect all of the guys you date to treat you with dignity and respect. You don’t need to act nor dress like a sl*t. If some of the girls you know seem to be having good luck acting that way, please be advised that they’re most likely attracting only creeps and players.

It’s advisable for you to try and attract decent guys that you already know in school, your neighborhood, or church… like Romeo. Don’t try to meet any guys via the internet… ever.

Just be nice to a bunch of different guys, including Romeo. If you focus too much on Romeo, it’ll hurt more if he’s not interested. Don’t overlook the quiet shy types. Smile, ask some questions (homework, music, hobbies, pets, etc), and make good eye contact. Have a sense of humor.

If you’re lucky and Romeo seems to be getting interested over a few weeks time and you still like him too, perhaps you could drop a not-so-subtle-hint (“Gee Romeo, it really wouldn’t take much for me to get a crush on you… because you are always so nice to me!”). Note the statement is a gentle open door, not a smothering declaration of undying love.

That’ll leave the ball in his court. Give Romeo a few days to think about the possibilities (i.e., don’t expect an immediate answer). He’ll take the bait if interested. If not, big deal!!! You’ll be able to find another good guy later on.

Now, let’s assume for a moment you manage to snag Romeo as a BF… what then? That’s something you need to start thinking about. Getting a BF isn’t the end of your journey… it’s only the beginning… especially if you do not think seriously about how you are going to deal with the inevitable issues that you’ll naturally be faced with.

Perhaps a general crash course all about guys, BF’s, crushes, dating, love, etc. would be helpful for you to think about while dreaming of your wonderful Romeo.

Zebralvr… crushes, dating, and love can be confusing… extremely confusing… for adults as well as young people. That’s why it is a good idea not to start dating too early.

It would be advisable for young ladies to not start seriously dating until about age 16 or 17. Your parents should say OK and meet the guy first. And stay a virgin (i.e., no premarital sex) until you get married.

Young folks can be pretty unpredictable, and change their minds very quickly… for no reason whatsoever. That can lead to hurt feelings and heartache. You and some guy might both agree that you like each other one day, and literally the next day either one of you could call it quits. Just remember that.

Keep in mind that the purpose of dating is generally to determine if a person will make a potentially good future spouse. Therefore, don’t ever date someone that you know would not be good for you in the long term.

Don’t assume that you will marry your first crush or your first serious BF… it won’t happen. The odds are literally 100-to-1 against it. Sorry!

One good method to get the attention of guys would be to join sports teams at school. Guys are absolutely fascinated by female athletes, and love seeing them in shorts and t-shirts… with minimal make-up… and they won’t care if you are sweaty and your hair is a bit messed up. No kidding. You’ll have more boys looking at you than you ever thought was possible. And your wardrobe costs??? Essentially zero! In addition, your Coach will be around to keep an eye on you and give good advice if you need it.

As a decent and trusting young lady, you will need to be aware of a few of the potential hazards of dating.

Unless they already know each other pretty well, the typical proclamations of “commitment” made in the darkness when a young girl and her Romeo are first alone together are generally worthless… so be wary of those proclamations. Commitments need to last more than one evening, and be proclaimed publicly, in front of family and friends… not in the darkness or in the heat of passion (although any proclamation made by a player is automatically invalid regardless of where or when it is made).

Zebralvr, here are two major dating hazards for you to consider:

1. There are some guys out there (the smooth players) who will tell a nice girl that he loves her, just to see how far she will let him go with her body. There are guys out there who are ready and willing to use you and your body for their own selfish pleasure… and then leave… breaking your heart in the process, and possibly leaving you pregnant… or with an STD (a nasty disease in your private parts). Hopefully, you will be mature enough when dating to recognize these losers, and say “No”.

2. You could meet a genuinely nice and decent guy, and you both really do think that you love each other. After a few weeks or months, you both might be tempted to take off your clothes together. That would be a good way to mess up both of your young lives. It’s happened to a lot of nice girls and decent guys out there. Hopefully, you will be mature enough to resist this type of temptation… and the temptation can be very strong.

The best way to avoid getting into trouble from either hazard listed above? Never be completely alone with your guy… anywhere. Not his house, not your house, not a friend’s house, or anywhere else. A responsible (and awake) adult should always be nearby. You can always find a little privacy somewhere if you want to do some romantic kissing (a front porch, a dark living room…), but don’t make it so private that you would be able to take your clothes off.

You should also never attend a party where no adults are present… ever. Nor any events with drugs or alcohol abuse.

Ideally, before you start dating, you need to make a conscious decision to remain a virgin until you are happily married. That means no premarital sex. Having sex too early will make you feel sad, cheap, and make it less special (same thing with kissing in case you do it too early with the wrong guy… but kissing is much less dangerous).

OK, why no premarital sex?

Because having sex without marriage is going outside of the laws of man and God that civilizations on this planet have lived by for thousands of years.

Because there’s the unnecessary risk of excessive heartache (any break-up will cause heartache… virgin or not… but heartache will be less if you are still a virgin… that’s just the way human brains are wired).

Because there’s also the genuine danger of an unwanted Baby… or an STD.

Because your parents would very likely be extremely disappointed.

Because your “no sex” rule will pretty much eliminate the players, the losers, the creeps, the clods, and the selfish manipulators.

Because it takes about a year to know a person well enough to determine if they’re marriage material… to determine if their statements and actions are consistent and honest… and adding sex too soon into that mix is like tossing sand into a finely crafted mechanical watch.
By refusing to participate in premarital sex, you’ll find out pretty quickly if the guy you are dating just wants to get into your pants… or if he truly respects you, your body, your heart, your soul, your feelings, your values… and your family.

Zebralvr, just take a look at a random selection of the questions from girls in this category… a significant number of problems here directly involve premarital sex… coupled with immaturity, foolish expectations, and invalid assumptions.

Date nice guys who will treat you with dignity and respect while you are having innocent fun together during your youth. Trustworthy guys who would not ask you to do anything inappropriate.

Long term, you need to find a special guy who will be honorable and be very good to you as you grow into a decent young woman. He may not be the hottest-looking guy around, but you will love him just the way he is. He should be a guy who is proud to take you home to meet his parents and his family. A guy that you would be pleased to take home to be introduced to your parents and family. A guy who will ask for your hand in marriage. A guy who is willing to stand together with you in a wedding ceremony before both of your families in church.

It’s never wise to date a guy who is not honorable and just wants your body… for a while… and then he would be gone. A problem like that is much more likely to happen if you give away your body without the commitment of marriage.

Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to talk to your parents or your family about dating and boy issues as you are growing up. They know you, love you, and will certainly give you good advice.

You will be really happy when you are older, and you look back over your life… happy that you made the right decisions about finding, dating, and evaluating guys when you were young.

That’s pretty much the big picture for you to look at, Zebralvr.

Someday, you’ll make a lucky guy a fine wife.

Take care, and God bless.

Best wishes,
– Charlie


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