my sister is 24yrs old now and she has told my mom and i that our uncle(my mom’s brother) use to molest her when she was 10yrs old. he was 18yr old then, .. i want to confront him but my sister and mom says that it will tear the family apart and that it was so long ago what positive can come from it.. my sister is married with kids now and so is my uncle..should i confront him or not? if i don’t he will feel he has gotten away with it
He needs to pay for what he did. HE tore the family apart and hurt your sister in the worst possible way. My brother would,in a heartbeat. Good luck.
I know this is a old post but I am too tryn to research this, I was molested by my older brother when I was 12 all to age 15. An he was in his late 20’s. It was a horrible experience!! Someone I looked up to, ruined my life. My mom knew an did nothing about it an I still resent her to this day, I see my brother all the time an it tears at all the old woundsвЂ¦ I honestly hv no respect or love for that man, I do not call him my brother or family! Bc of him I’m terrified of men an my sex life with men is nonexistent, I’m lesbian.. I feel he pushed me towards it. (I rather b with a woman) ur daughter may hold alotta anger an resentment to both u an her brother, I’d call the cops on him. Wrong is wrong Idc how old he was at the time!! Get her into see a shrink bc it’s been helping me, or maybe a ‘intervention’ as a family put it out in the open. No judgment, just discuss it. These kinda things will mess anyone up an will in the future cause alotta problems for her. Protect her an call cops!!
I know it’s sick and wrong and that his d&%#! should be cut off and put up his own butt!!!!!!!!!! With that said, I don’t think it’s your place to confront him for the reason that it wasn’t you that was molested (and that it was soo long ago). I’d convince your sister that she should talk to him to make sure he is not the same person, so that no other little girl/teenager/women would have to put up with and feel the same way she did. If she would have told you right after, I would totally support you confronting him in a way that you wouldn’t get caught. I would see what’s the statue of limitation of that case and if it’s still bothering her, get him in court. I’m sorry….I really wish I could tell you to confront him! If it tears up the family, it’s nothing you guys did, but what HE did, that shouldn’t be a worry!!!!!!!!
Well the firsat thing to do is confront him and make him pay for what he has done. Or else he coudl be doing the same thing to other kids and no one knows. And the only reason that your sister and mother don’t want to confront him or send him to jail, it’s because “What will people say about our family?” ANd also sense your MOM knew that he was molesting her she can also be put in jail because she knew and didn’t do anything about it. And let’s hope they put him in jail and a big guy molests him and see if he likes it. SOrry to hear about that but your family can get over it together and with lots of communications.
There is no statute of limitation for molesting a child. Talk to your sister, tell her that she doesn’t need to report it today, but you feel her telling you is the first step towards bringing closure to this terrible event. Tell her she can confide in you and help her prepare herself for the day she does come forward. Do some research on how the reporting process works and also the series of events to follow. Share this information with her. I think you showing her that you are taking on the task of being there for her and understand what is going to happen will give her the strength and motivation to go through with reporting it. It isn’t your responsibility to report it, but you need to take the responsibility on to help her. I bet she would do the same for you if the roles were reversed.
My heart goes out to you and your family, especially your sister. I know what it’s like to be in that situation. My advise to you is see what your sister wants to do. She has just begun her healing process by telling you and your mom first. Talk with her and see if she does want to make this move. She might not want to right away but eventually she will. Be a part of her healing process by being there for her and supporting her decision on how she wants to handle this situation. She doesn’t need to worry about how the other family member feel, its her time now. She will never forget about what happened to her, but she can learn to live with whats happened. She is becoming a survivor and not keeping herself a victim anymore. Suggest to her that you and she go seek some kind of counseling. Let her know that it wasn’t her fault. When she decides to confront him then go with her and support her. I know you feel like hurting him the way he hurt her but this is her process. Be there and love her and let her know what ever she is feeling is normal for a situation like this. She has taken her first and hardest step, telling someone. Be patient, try to find out if its to late by law if he can get in trouble. I’ll be praying for you. Good luck and God Bless.
No person has a right to go unpunished when you know it has happened, and by saying nothing you have committed the same act, because he is apt to do it again. Worst of all it could be his own kids. I hate to say your moms wrong about this, and has just given her permission for it to continue. The family will survive. Will the victim ? Often they are the ones who suffer, and tried to have the guilt laid on them. I will pray for you and your family for guidance, and a healing for all involved. Don’t hate the person hate the crime that has been committed and pray for him. Good Luck. God Bless!!!
The question is, has been continuing to abuse other children and are there children in his life now, that the same thing could be happening to.
You should definitely do something, what, to be honest I don’t know. But I would be very, very afraid that some other child is suffering because of his abuse. Someone like that doesn’t just abuse one child – so think about that and try and find a way to let those around you know. For the sake of other children near him.
You should confront him!
What good is keeping the family all happy joy joy when this dark skeleton is hanging over everyones head!
What is more important? Justice, or keeping the ‘peace’?
Your mother is a fool, and so is your sister. He needs to be punished for what he did. I’m glad at least YOU are strong enough to stand up.
As enraged as you are, it truly isn’t your place. You have to think of things from your sister’s viewpoint because you will ultimately thrust her into the middle of this. I was abused by a family member as well when I was younger and confided once I was adult to another family member, that I could trust to hold my secret.
The thought of this family member confronting the other member would literally make me sick. No one will admit to doing something so horrendous, so you are in a he said/she said situation.
Her children and husband will be affected by this and for what? If you want to help, truly help, be there for your sister. She told you and your mother because she trusted you and needed to get the burden off of her chest, not because she wants you to confront your uncle.
I can only say, PLEASE don’t betray her confindence in you.