how to overcome the fear of having sex as im virgin and scared.I m married but i always feel the pain?

Everytime we started to have sex i always push my husband or i moved my body away from him everytime he tried to insert it.I don’t know why i’m so scared maybe because of what i saw on the movie that the girl is screaming for pain and maybe because most of my gilfriend said it was really painful for the first time.I want to have sex or baby from my husband but everytime we try I can’t really bare the pain,which lead my husband to be mad at me.We been to the doctor already about this but the doctor said i do’nt have any problem about my vagina it’s all only about in my mind that i have to overcome.We tried so many times and i know my husband was fed up already with that scene that everytime we tried nothing happens that leads him to loose on his mood all the time.Always easy to get mad if we didnt manage to do it.I know the problem is within me,i keep trying but i really don’t know what to do.I have no experience and i’m 34 years old already.My husband penis is a normal size so the problem is really within me.Everytime he tried to be on top i feel most of the pain because i’m powerless and i’m so scared.Especially when he put my legs up in the air,i don’t like it so i told him to do it from behind but still i feel the pain no matter the position he tried.I’m really scared to be exact.Can you help me how to get overcome my fear and the best way to do in order to make love comfortably with my hubby.I really wanna have baby and make my hubby happy but i’m really impotent girl.I dont wanna end up losing my husband.Please do help me!
THANK YOU GUYS,in advance!! BE BLESS!!!

I am so sorry to read that you are suffering this problem .
First I would suggest that you see a gynecologist ; if you are still a virgin , he can perform a small operation under anesthetic to remove the hymen , the breaking of which can sometimes cause pain .
I would suggest that you buy a dildo or vibrator and good lubricant , so that you can practice and get used to penetration on your own . You can insert your own well lubricated fingers , one , two , three , masturbate yourself , get used to pleasuring yourself .
When you feel ready to make love with your husband ; drink a little wine with your supper , so that you are both happy and relaxed . You need to enjoy foreplay for a long time , enjoy kissing , fondling , feeling each others bodies , this makes you both relax and causes a woman’s vagina to naturally lubricate and relax prior to penetration . Let your husband go down and kiss your vagina till you c u m . When you feel you want him to penetrate you , climb on top so that you are fully in control , you sheathe him rather than him penetrating you .
I hope that these suggestions wiill help , you are not alone in suffering this problem .

First of all, it is NOT painful. You’ve been watching way too many kinky porn movies lol they always over act on those things. Secondly, just relax! Sex is so much fun and really enjoyable. You will be amazed at how pleasureable it is.

My first time I was a bit scared too, but I just went ahead and did it, and man was I ever glad I had lol.

You just need to trust your husband, and tell him to go slow at first, and let him know you call the shots with speed and stuff for the first few times. That way you know he will stop if you feel any discomfort. My first time I didn’t feel any pain, nothing at all.

So don’t worry and relax, breath and enjoy it!

Hon. take a deep breath & relax. First of all does yr husband try & pleasure you & make you feel relaxed or is he just interested in his 2 mins of pleasure? Then fall asleep! You have to learn to pleasure each other before the act itself. Yes it can be painful but yr husband needs to learn that as a married man it is up to him to help you overcome yr fears. What’s with sticking yr legs up etc? Please if things are so bad then go & see a professional sex therapist. There is more to making love than the deed itself. Try reading some self help books There are many things you can do but YA is not the place to go into detail.

At first it sounded like you were saying that you have never had sex and you just think it would be painful… But it sounds like he’s already penetrated you and every time it’s been painful… While granted I was nervous about having sex the first time, nervousness never involved feeling pain every time we had sex, so this goes beyond just a normal case of “nerves.”

Occasionally there are times where sex “hurts” (more like extremely uncomfortable!) and I call it off, but it’s not the norm. What causes it for me is not enough foreplay. If I’m not in the mood before sex begins, sex is not going to feel good. For guys, sex feels good immediately after putting it in, and they expect that it feels the same for women, but it takes women longer to warm up to sex than men usually. Since you’ve been to the doctor, I’m going to take a guess that lack of stimulation prior to sex may be your issue here. When you masturbate, there’s probably certain things you think of to get yourself off… When you’re trying to get in the mood for sex, it may be helpful to think about these things, whatever it may be, that turns you on… and let your husband know what he can do to get you in the mood.

If that’s not the issue, and sex continues to be painful, I’d seriously consider a second opinion with the doctor…. Doctors aren’t always able to detect the subtle medical problems, and sometimes you have to be persistent about it.

Here’s a link for various causes of pain during intercourse that may be helpful:…

You need to get therapy, to disclose to you what your fear is. Unless he is extremely large or heavy, you won’t have pain. What your gf said is now huge in your mind. With most of us, we have gotten over it, and it can be enjoyable. The fear, however, will always come to you until you delve into your past and find out what has made you so fearful. Study fear, if therapy cannot be found or you can’t afford it. It is also a matter of being relaxed. You are so tense it will seem painful to you. You both should visit your pastor, hopefully you have one. Explain that you need counseling and prayer.

Poor guy, he’s got himself a frigid girl.

Okay you wanna break the ice ? Tell your husband to do it, close your eyes and let him do it for the first time… OR why not do it while you sleep ? You won’t feel a thing and the worst will be gone.

Then when you will consciously do it with him, you will know that there will be no hurt to come, only pleasure… Talk to him about it.

Hey hun!
I was very afraid my first time as well! I think a lot of what your dealing with goes on the fact that you get yourself all worked up. How are you with the four play? Maybe you need to just explore each others bodies and have a lot of four play to relax you. Id you feel the need, use some lube to help you feel better. Find a position that you feel most comfortable with. I noticed you said you have a problem with him being on top and in control. That way you can take as much time as you need to get ready, and do it as slow as you want, and be in control. I hope that helps hun!

Try been sensual A Hot shower or bubble bath together Light candles Some warm oil and massage Relax Enjoy touching and feeling Fear will go as you let go and have fun

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