Why do people tell me i should tell his wife about our affair?

It`s a long story,I was involved with a ,arried man and I had no idea I was the other woman, I thought he was single,he managed to convince me that he was single.I left him when i found out he is married and his wife is pregnant at the moment.I know i did the right thing.He is past.I told some of my friends about this and they were all like you should tell his wife#.i don`t want to tell her, it would hurt her and i don`t wanna do it.At the same time he is making a fool of her and other women involved.Telling his wife about our short affair would be getting revenge,right?I don`t think it would be right.What do you think?

I think that you did the right thing by not telling the wife. I was in a similar situation about 8 years ago. I thought about telling the wife just to make the guy mad because he lied to me. Although I didn’t. I wanted to be more mature than that. Telling the wife would have only created more drama than there already was. I just did the same thing you did and moved on with my life. Good for you!!

I will tell you, i am pretty sure she has some idea that her husband is cheating or has cheated on her. You telling her will probably do nothing, but destroy her and his kids. I would leave well enough alone and just cut him off. The sad thing is that woman and her kids are the only ones being hurt in this situation. You knew he was cheater when you met him. How could you really think that he would leave his wife for you. I understand you are hurt and you want revenge, but honey is it really worth it? What kind of satisfication will you get if you tell her and she still stays with him? None! Leave it be. Cut him off and find a guy with no attachments and start a new. You should value our self more that this. NAy man who would cheat on his family is not worth the fight.

That’s a tricky one. Ultimately, it’s up to you to try and make the right decision for the right reasons, which it sounds like you are already doing.

When you say “other women involved”, do you mean the husband is having multiple affairs? If so, I would seriously consider telling her that her husband is a lying cheating scumbag. If not, I would lean towards not telling her as she doesn’t need the stress, especially while pregnant, and there’s a chance (however small) that he’ll get his act together.

What it comes down to, is: is her right to not be hurt now greater than her right to know the truth now and avoid possibly being hurt even more futher down the line?

May I also add, congratulations for getting rid of this worthless ****. I wish his wife had been as lucky.

I think it’s best to move on and just forget about the WHOLE thing. Telling his wife would be a bad idea, 1 – she is pregnant and shouldnt be stressed, 2 – you’ll feel bad and stuff cos of 1 and 3 – we all have to find these things out for ourselves. You could tell her, but your just one person one time, he will be there 24/7 and talk her round. Everything always comes out in the end and what’s the point in having her have a go at you over it all when it’s really not your fault if you didn’t know he was married. Trust me, my fiance was cheating on me and I’m glad I found out myself, if the other girl came over and told me about it chances are she would have got the brunt of it. 6months on and time to think, I was glad I found out myself cause that way he couldn’t talk me round and I knew I was doing the right thing, and doing it my way.. not because it had been forced to my attention by the “other woman”.

One…you’re right in no telling his wife.

Two…how do you carry on all that time and not have an inkling he’s married. Don’t people say “Lets go to my place” anymore?
If a man ‘dates’ you and time passes yet you never see where he lives that should be a major clue something isn’t kosher.

Good for you, honey. I commend you. I wouldn’t say anything. Chances are she already knows and chooses herself to live like this. You are strong enough to have realized the truth and moved forward. Let her be. It would be almost like getting revenge and then you’ll have bad karma back onto you. Who needs that? He’s not worth it.

Well I am on the other side of the fence i had an affair with a married man as well and we are expecting but the funny thing is when i called his wife to tell her she told me to get in line with the others.. So ma bey she already knows or just doesn’t care but you should call her and have a in DEPTH Girl talk with her.

Let it alone. His wife will find out soon enough that she is married to a snake. And when that bomb goes off you won’t want to get caught in the fall out… believe me!

I think telling her would be cruel! I’m sure she already has her suspicions about her husbands behavior. If your post is sincere then let the past lay, it’s really no longer any of your business.

I think it depends on the way you tell her. If you just start saying like, ” i was with your scum bag husband and whatever,” yeah it’s just revenge. However, as a wife that’s been cheated on I would want to know the truth about the nature of their relationship. Supposedly my husband’s was non-sexual but it eats me up inside that all I’ve heard from him is, ” we were just friends and she’s the one that came on to me.” affairs are more than just sex, they’re emotional too. For me that aspect of cheating is worse. So wait until she gives birth then just call her and tell her you aren’t doing it out of spite or revenge but that you feel that she deserves to know for herself and that baby. Ask yourself, how would you feel if oyur man were cheating and you didn’t know about it til it was THROWN in your face. You are the bravest for getting out when you found out and it’s not fair to say your “the ohter woman” since you didn’t know but from woman to woman, tell her.

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